So last week and weekend, Jason and I had our annual diaconate retreat. This year was a little different, though...we had to be apart. He actually left on Tuesday night and I started Friday night and we didn't see each other until Sunday morning. It was different and difficult but I know the retreat for me what much needed.
On Saturday, I took the time to enjoy the silence of the campus of St. Ben's in St. Joseph. (The men were at St. John's just a few miles away.) During that time, I went on a walk in a small labyrinth that the Sisters had mowed into a space in their yard/garden. Anticipating a spiritual openness to God, I learned much more about life and how I approach it, just by taking this short winding walk.
First of all, I struggled to find the beginning of the path, only to find out that it was easily marked by two giant pots of flowers. How many times in life do we try on our own to get on the path to God, wandering around, and come to realize He's set it right before us so simply but we tend to walk right past it trying to jump ahead?
As I walked, I found myself trying to center my thoughts around being open to hearing God but I also realized that I focused somewhat heavily on the path, for I did not know how it was going to wind about, and how long this was going to take me. Not to mention, I was distracted by an "obstacle" of an overhanging tree branch...should I go under it or step off the path to go around it? Again, a lesson on life and how my attention focused on the condition of the path and the obstacles in my way rather than focusing on the Lord and allowing Him to be the center of my journey. "How am I going to do this and how quickly can I do it to reach my goal?" is the thought of how I sometimes approach these trials in my life.
Upon nearing what I thought was the center, which I envisioned as growing closer to God, the path weaved back towards the outside rather than toward the center. I found myself stopping to re-evaluate the path wondering if I had done something wrong or if it actually
went to the center. Here's where the life lesson of trusting God comes in. Do I trust Him enough to keep walking the path towards Him, or do I doubt and stop to look for a way that gets me there quicker or doubt that it even leads there at all? Rather than continue on in life, do I let myself get frustrated that it's not "going my way"?
When I realized that I was being silly for not trusting that the path would lead me in, I continued and meditated on what I had learned about myself and life in such a short, winding walk. When I reached the bench in the center, I set my focus on the Heavenly Father, thanking Him for the lesson and for being there with me and allowed myself to take it all in. I slowed down and opened my heart and mind with what He wanted to tell me, but aware that He had already told me so much.
As I meandered my way back out of the labyrinth, I allowed myself to enjoy the stroll back around the path & I smiled at all I had learned without really trying. All I had to do was to be open to what God had to say to me that day. I just had to take the time to take the walk along the path to Him and He was there with me. A great peace came over me & I was able to look at my decisions in life and how they mirrored my trip around the maze. What I learned most is that I need to take the time to seek His path, take the walk and listen, trust where it leads and take joy in what it has in store for me. (Also, that it really helps to be on a retreat for me to figure that out.)
She wanted a Hello Kitty cake and gave herself bunny ears for the picture.
Ian saying "good-bye" and watching everyone leave.